Something is missing.

My last post is over 2 weeks ago and now I still dont have any topics to write. What I have right now is my self doubt on my ability to create something for myself and everyone around me. I cant say I didnt have the knowledge, I cant say I didnt have the time. It was all there, waiting for me to grab it one by one. I just didnt have something. Yes, something is missing. I didnt quite figure it out … just yet.

I searched around for the past 6 months in every city, every friends, every place and wasted my time in finding nothing. But I know something.. I think I’m having an early quarter-life crisis.

Quarter-Life Crisis

Definition from wikipedia

is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the early twenties to the early thirties. The term is named by analogy with mid-life crisis.

People changes. Their way of thinking changes. But sometimes, everyday. So, this is not really a definition for what I’ve been through.

Definition from http://www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

OK. This is it. This is what I’ve been through. There are still more explanation on the site, you can click through it.

I said “early quarter-life crisis” because usually people are having this when they are in their 25’s or over. And I’m still 2 years behind. So, I grew up fast.

Usually, in every problems you faced, you end up making decisions. and usually, the path have carved “decision A”, “decision B” and “decision C” and so on. And this is where it gets tricky. When you choose A, you will lose B and C and the other way around. How often you choose A and you get half of B and half of C? Very rare. Unless, you are really lucky.

But my problem is, I dont have A, B or C. I dont have any options to choose. The paths are not there for me to take a single step. The direction I was heading is unknown. I was heading with my full lights on and few extra pairs of eyes, ears and senses. But I was looking directly to a black hole and I found no one to tag along with. It is my time to be alone, feel alone, and do alone.

I thought not everyone has been through this. You want to find something in your life, but you don’t know what your looking for. You want this and that, but you feel so greedy. You try to search around in circle. You need all your friends, but they can’t do anything to you. You want to be something, but maybe you are not meant to be anything. You are insecure but secure at the same time.

This is crazy talk. I know.

Everyone need to be crazy at times. But text me if you feel me.

Btw, some time ago, I printed a tee with my blog on it.

My tee!